Friends in Need Are Friends Indeed: 10 Ways to Support A Friend Who Has Breast Cancer

Often, when a loved one, whether family or friend, is diagnosed with breast cancer, many of us have no clue on how to react or help. Even though we sincerely want to help, it can be a challenge to figure out what’s the right thing to say and do.

Somebody who is suffering from breast cancer or any cancer of sort needs strong support from family and friends to get through the changes that cancer brings to their lives.

But often, when a loved one, whether family or friend, is diagnosed with breast cancer, many of us have no clue on how to react or help. Even though we sincerely want to help, it can be a challenge to figure out what’s the right thing to say and do.

What can I do? What should I say (or not say)? How should I say it? Will she get offended? What should I bring (or not bring)? Would she even want my help? Wouldn’t she feel helpless?

Obviously, it’s impossible to determine what will or won’t help but take your lead from your friend. Pay attention to cues from her.

It’s important to remember that nothing is set in stone when it comes to providing support to someone with breast cancer. Besides, every friendship or relationship is different. So, be keen to take that into consideration. Think about your unique dynamic and use that as your inspiration as you try to support you friend.

Simplicity always works. Often, it’s the little things that mean the most.

Here are 10 possible ways to get you started in giving tender loving care to a friend in need:

Practical Support

1. Keep her company. A friend’s life while battling cancer often revolves around treatments and doctor meetups. Give the gift of time by driving her to appointments or by simply accompanying her to places she needs to go to. Be her personal assistant even for a day or for a few hours. And while you’re at it, be a conscientious note taker so you’ll be able to help her remember, understand and assess everything that was being told to her by her doctors and therapists.

Should her condition allows, offer to take her out to a movie date or a dinner or maybe she’d like to take a short walk or share music to enjoy.  You can also read a book or newspaper (or sections of it) for her or watch online videos with her.

Furthermore, you can also come up with a roster of family and friends to cover each medical visit so you and her other friends and/or family members can take turns in keeping her company.

2. Take care of some domestic needs. Supporting a friend with her daily household chores like walking the dogs in the park, doing the laundry, buying groceries, cooking, picking up prescriptions, and etc. is often very valuable for a friend with breast cancer. So, offer to provide domestic help. You don’t need to be doing this every day for her but even a couple of days a month will already make a lot of difference.

If your friend has small kids, you can offer to babysit from time to time or take the kids to school, or take them out to do things that they usually do before their mom was diagnosed with breast cancer such as shopping, watching movies, doing extra-curricular activities.

Be careful to not be pushy but make sure to offer specific tasks. Don’t just say “How can I help?” It’s too vague and can be overwhelming for somebody who is battling cancer, not to mention that most of the time, your friend doesn’t actually know what she needs help with.

3. Find information for her. If she needs or wants information, help her find it. Information such as support services, helpful resources, and contact details of relevant groups and organizations are going to be very valuable.

4. Lend a helping hand, financially. Let’s face it. One of the greatest needs of a breast cancer patient is financial support. Most patients don’t want to ask for financial support because they don’t want to be a burden to family and friends. What some friends and family members can do is set up an online crowdfunding to seek financial support on behalf of the patient. You can set up a fundraiser through GoFundMe.com, GoGetFunding.com and many other crowdfunding platforms.

You can also consider running a local fundraiser through your local church or community group. Host a breakfast or high tea at your house or workplace and request donations for your friend. Ask her workplace to consider running an event on her behalf. By assisting in this way, you can help relieve some of the financial pressure and emotional anxiety over this time.

Emotional Support

5. Be a good listener. Often, the first step to support is to not say anything at all but just to listen. Listen not only to what she says but most of all to what she feels. Assure her that you’re ready for a conversation whenever she feels like it. Or, if she doesn’t feel like talking, let her know that’s absolutely fine, too. Not all struggling people want to hear another person’s opinion - even from a friend, when they unload their problems. It’s the same with people battling with breast cancer. Let them vent out their frustrations, their anger, their pain. At times the best help you can do is just be there and listen. Support your friend’s feelings. Allow them to be negative, withdrawn, or silent.

Remember that it’s perfectly normal and it’s okay if you don't know what to say as long as you are willing to truly listen.

6. Surprise her with little things. Look for small but practical gifts that your friend may need or be delighted to have. Give some thought to what her normal day is like and what can possibly make it brighter and better. Also, just because someone has breast cancer, she can’t anymore have a good laugh. In fact, she needs it more this time. So, it doesn’t hurt to look for fun little things for your friend.

If possible, consider giving gifts that can be readily used. Small gifts given frequently are usually better than large, one-time gifts.

Give a gift to the caregiver; it’s as welcome and as needed as a gift to your friend.

For some great gift ideas for people with cancer, check out this link. 

7. Help others understand. Help others understand if your friend needs to rest or why she doesn’t want to talk or can’t accept visitors. Anyone suffering from an illness appreciates the effort and good intentions but there are times that even the slightest movement and dealing with people can cause them stress, not to mention physical pain.

8. Be patient. People battling with a serious illness may not be at their best behavior all the time. This means that there are times that they get offended so easily. Sometimes, they seem unappreciative. While this is not easy, it’s important for you to level up your understanding and don’t take things personal.

9. Treat them the same. Try not to let your friend’s breast cancer diagnosis get in the way of your friendship. Continue to treat her as normally as possible. Talking about the disease is fine (it’s normal given the situation) but talk about other things too – things that you used to talk about pre-cancer diagnosis. As much as possible, treat her the same way you always have.

Support for YOU!

10. Take care of you! It feels good to support a friend or a loved one and it may be the right thing to do but it can also be demanding and exhausting.  Remember that you can’t give if you have nothing to give. Your friend needs you to be physically, emotionally and mentally healthy so you can continue to provide her with the much needed support she needs. Don’t overdo things. Take care of you! Depending on how involved you are it’s important to eat well, get some regular exercise and a good night’s sleep and have some time to yourself.

Check out this link and find some great tips for self-care if you’re caring for someone!

There are still so many more ways to help out a friend with breast cancer but the bottom line is to be there for your friend, in whatever way feels normal and natural. Also, a simple hug to show that you’re rallying for her and that you’re on her side can do wonders!

P.S. If you’d like to check out a personal story from someone who has had breast cancer and how friends tried to help her, click here to check it out.

P.P.S. The book Facing Cancer Together: How to Help Your Friend or Loved One is also a valuable read.